One day your uppance will come...

Beware the sports related blog ramble o' death.

I don't know why I'm a UT football fan. A part of me of says it was self-preservation since my wife bleeds orange and would not tolerate any other football fandom in the house. Another part says it's because they won the national championship the year I started watching them. And a more cynical part says it's because I must be a closet masochist.

I mean, seriously folks... UT, could you please play any worse on offense? Jon Crompton is, bless his heart, about as lost a young man as I have ever seen on a football field right now. He is not a leader, he is not a quarterback. He is a thrower (as in, throw in the towel.) As long as he's the QB, I don't see UT football going anywhere but home early, to have a nice cry. I hate to be harsh, because he's a kid and he doesn't get paid for this, but he has really been awful and it's getting WORSE instead of better. And don't get me started on Dave Clawson.

Phil Fulmer's days are probably numbered, whether you blame him or not. I cannot see the program and the fan base enduring another horrid season like '05, which is probably what this one will be. We still have SEC games with Georgia, who, despite being beat like a drum tonight by Alabama, will almost certainly beat us, Alabama (that one will probably be a huge loss), South Carolina (possible loss), Vandy (if we lose this again, Phil may be assassinated rather than fired), Mississipi State (we SHOULD win, but then we should have beat Auburn today too), and Kentucky (if we lose, I will euthanize myself.)

We could conceivably go 0 for the SEC, though in all likelihood, we will win at least two games, probably three, and possibly four in conference. If we didn't have Wyoming and Northern Illinois on the docket, I would say we might stand a slim chance of possibly losing every remaining game on the schedule (despite being in all our games into the 4th quarter so far, with the exception of Florida.) The SEC is a meatgrinder. But I'm probably just bitter, because we should really beat Kentucky and Mississippi State just by showing up.

Even if we beat NI, Wy, Ken, and Miss State, that still just FIVE total wins (thank you, whoever scheduled UAB). And those are by no means guaranteed victories. Granted we could ambush SC , but as bad as their offense was, ours is worse. Steve Spurrier has two poor QBs and we have one. At least he has numbers going for him.

We could also beat Vandy, but they are looking good so far, though they do tend to fold like a deck chair by the end of the season usually. Our problem is that I really don't see us doing much better with Crompton at the helm. I know they don't want to give up on the lad, but when do you say enough is enough and go with Stephens?

Anyway, I'm just a bitter Vols fan at the moment. And I have the right. I may bleed orange (though it's more Clemson orange), but the problem right now is that I bleed OFTEN.

Stupid Vols. Put me in at QB next time. You'd still lose, but at least you'd have a better excuse....

Ford hates me

So after much debate (and a small hiatus) I am back to reveal a terrible truth.

Ford hates me.

Viciously.

I have two Ford automobiles. Don't ask why. That's not the point. The critical point is that I hate them. Well, that sounds...ungrateful. Hmm, how can I say it in a less bitter fasion? I hate Fords in general and my two cars are good examples of why.

Well. That wasn't much better, I guess.

Too bad. Bite me, Ford.

Anyway, I have a Ford Taurus that doesn't run. I also have a Ford Contour that doesn't run. So I'm 0 for 2. Awesome. The Contour needs an alternator. The Taurus needs some lovin'. And a battery. And possibly other stuff. Who knows? A mechanic I ain't.

Anyways, you wouldn't think that an alternator is that hard to replace, right? Well, Ford in its infinite hatefulness decided to stick the alternator RIGHT UNDER THE ENGINE. Nowhere easy to get to. But that's not all. It's made so that the recommended way to remove the alternator is to REMOVE THE FRIGGIN' AXLE OFF THE CAR! Are you serious???

Ok, I do not have tons o' cash. Paying in excess of $300 to get an ALTERNATOR put on my car makes no sense to me (not to mention being economically unfeasible.) With the right tools and some know how, it should be an easy matter to remove the alternator oneself and install a new one. But no, Ford has decided that I must suffer.

Well, at least when we bought our van, we bought a Dodge. So take that, Ford.

And your little dog, too.

A Name and a Blessing

Yesterday I had the privilege of naming and blessing my youngest child. "Rosebud" was perfect throughout the process, mainly because she was asleep. We even had a working microphone for this blessing, unlike for the boy, so my dear wife could actually hear what was said, though writing it down with three children crawling over her proved problematic. I helped fill in some of the gaps from memory.

It was a very humbling experience to name and bless what will in all likelihood be our last child. I say in all likelihood because although my wife had her tubes tied (cut and burnt as well, I like to say), there is always the possibility that we may adopt later in life. I don't think it likely, but one never knows.

In thinking about this event, I realized that my wife and I are done with our childbearing years and are now focused on our "childrearing" years. Which could also conceivably be called "a slow, steady nervous breakdown" if one were only slightly cynical. Fortunately, I am the epitome of optimism...or at least good at fooling myself, so I prefer to think of these as the good years.

Our oldest starts 4th grade and "pixie" starts pre-K this year, so it should be an interesting and exciting time. Did I mention that I don't like exciting? Nope, I'm a boring, keep-it-simple kind of guy. Exciting stinks. But I'm trying to learn to roll with the punches. If life could at least do me the courtesy of keeping them above the belt, it would be easier...

You stay classy, San Diego.

Welcome aboard

Hidey Ho, Internet Denizens! Welcome to the somewhat bizarre life I lead. Or at least as much of it as I am willing to publicly admit to. I will start out with a few ground rules here in my first post. From them, you may feel free to draw whatever conclusions about my character that you like. But you will probably be wrong. Unless you think I'm just a big dork, which would actually be dead-on. But I digress... To the rules!

First, I will state that I have absolutely zero reason to either A.) keep a blog or B.) think that anyone would actually want to hear my rambling who is not already forced to it by proximity, employment, or blood relation. That will not deter me, however. I am remarkably unconcerned by such trifles. That is, to coin a phrase, how I roll. Deal.

Second, I have been fantastically bad at keeping any sort of regular record of my thoughts, doings, life events, or whatnot for most of my existence on this planet, so I do not expect this blog to be any different. So I doubt that it will be frequently updated. You have been duly warned. So no griping about lack of updates.

Third, I ramble. It's what I do. I dig it. Thus the name of the blog. Expect stream of consciousness, people. I may not do it well, but by gosh I do it frequently, so whenever I do happen to post, the likelihood of it making sense is miniscule, at best. If I were even slightly coherent, I would do this for a living.

Fourth, I sometimes (well, often) use big words that are not found in common parlance. Not because I think I'm all that brilliant (I have learned that harsh lesson quite painfully and no, I do not need any more humility right now, thanks) and not because I think it looks cool (most people just think I'm a dork), but simply because I like big words. They have flavor. They please me. They roll off the tongue. Or the keyboard. Or whatever. Anyway, if you see a word that forces you screaming in frustration to dictionary.com, then sorry. But not really. I try to learn new words regularly and I think everyone should. Blame Stephen R. Donaldson.

Fifth, (what, are you still here? Geez...) I quote movies. Compulsively. I love it. I can't help it. Movies are great and well-written one-liners are worth their weight in gold. Sometimes the quote may be applicable to what I'm writing, sometimes I may just throw it in there. Sometimes I will paraphrase. Rarely will I actually cite the movie I'm quoting, though, so many people just scratch their heads in confusion when I do it. Either way, suffice it to say that if what I'm saying sounds cool or profound or vaguely familiar, I have probably ripped it off from a movie. I never claimed to be original. In fact, my lack of originality is the stuff of legend. If the stuff of legend can be incredibly boring...

Ok, I think that's enough to be going on with for now. If you are still here and still sane, I will leave you with this: My wife is awesome. My three daughters are fabulous. My son is marvelous. My life is blessed. So I hope there will be precious little angst in my future postings, but I will try to make them both shorter and more interesting than this one.

No promises, though.

Stay classy, San Diego.